Every year for the last decade, I’ve chosen to pick a single word rather than making New Year’s Resolutions. This word becomes a point of focus, study, and emphasis in the coming year. My friend Dan Britton introduced me to the concept through his book of self-explanatory title, One Word that will change your life. I try to pick words with a double or hidden meaning, so that my thoughts and study unearth new tidbits I might not first see.
This year took a bit of a different turn. Through the astute (and somewhat sarcastic) comments of someone who loves me, I was reminded rather directly that I have trouble listening. Only some of my problem can be attributed to age and hearing. It’s more about focus and intentionality. Selective listening. Or, more bluntly, not listening.
And thus my 2025 word: LISTEN.
As I’ve pondered the topic of becoming a better listener, it has profound implications for my coaching, teaching, and speaking. Let me offer a nugget from each of these three areas.
Listening as a Coach
My coach taught me that it’s important to listen for what is repeated. Whether consciously or not, deep-seated beliefs and real issues tend to be revealed by what is said multiple times. Here are some examples of messages that I’ve heard clients mention multiple times (often within seconds of each other: “I don’t have a college education, so I’m not the smartest guy (gal) in the room.”; “I just freeze up when it’s time to speak.”; “I feel like I have so much to offer.” “I really want to write a book”. In each case, the underlying message was a coaching point that dictated the course of the conversation. Another tip I recently received is to dig a little deeper when someone says they “used to… but now…” What changed? How did it happen? These are powerful techniques that are not difficult to train yourself to do. And as a speaker, this reminds us that repeating what’s important makes it easier to reteain. Don’t assume once is enough to get your message to land.
Listening as a Teacher
In teaching, there is one place I like to start when formulating instruction. It’s a rather basic question: Do the people already know what you’re trying to teach them? It sounds like a dumb question, and it was, when I was teaching calculus. But so often—especially in the business world—the audience already knows what you’re about to say. Which means the issue you are supposedly instructing has nothing to do with knowledge and probably a lot more to do with motivation, obstacles, or bad leadership than anything technical or strategical you’re trying to convey. My adage is this: if it’s already in them, your job is to get it out of them; if it’s not in them, your job is to put it in them. But how do you know? By asking good questions and listening to the answers. We have a whole segment of our Q&A course devoted to asking better questions. It’s a powerful skill that leads to more insight and better instruction.
Listening as a Speaker
While there are always opportunities to make speaking interactive, the desire of every speaker is to have the audience really tune in and listen. It’s easy when they’re in love with you or your topic. It’s harder when they are distracted, disinterested, or disillusioned. But there is so much a speaker can—and should—do to keep the audience listening. Perhaps the most important is a tactic I call Preconditioning the Listener. It’s telling them what they are about to hear. When they know what they are supposed to hear, it’s amazing that they’ll likely hear just that. This is especially important in two specific areas. First, at the beginning when you are setting up your talk. I call this the Reason to Listen (R2L). It’s a contract that promises the listener what they want (the ability to make a decision, the motivation to make a change, the three steps that lead to an outcome they want). The other place is in the structure of your talk. When I wrote above, “Let me offer a nugget from each of these three areas,” what did you do, mentally? My guess is that your brain and thoughts allocated space to consume three points. You were expecting them. I indented and highlighted them, to further show the three ideas you were able to consume. If I had promised three, but delivered two or four, your brain would be confused. If I didn’t tell you what the structure was at all but had said, “I’ve got some thoughts coming up and I’ll let you know when I’m done,” you wouldn’t be as engaged. As you articulate your main ideas and as you transition from one to the next, let the audience know what you’ve done and where you’re going. That makes it easy to listen.
Like speaking, investing money, and riding a bike, listening is a skill that you (and I) can get better at. All it takes is intentionality and practice.
Communication Matters. What are you saying?
Alan, your Online Stage Coach